When travel doesn’t feel like it should

I had no energy to find a place to eat, so I ended up sitting in the hotel restaurant. As I waited for my food, I felt the urge to go back home.

It was 2017 when I decided to go on a solo trip to Gili Air Island in Indonesia. My work had been hectic for several months and I craved time to relax near the beach and unwind.

I was so excited to go but when I left home I suddenly felt very tired. It felt as though all of the accumulated fatigue came at once. 

I hoped that it would get better when I arrived on the island, but it didn’t. Exhaustion had taken over, and my mind and body were tense even though I was just sitting on the beach doing nothing.

I could not relax no matter how much I wanted to.

​I ended up cancelling the snorkelling tour I had booked. Even though there was a high chance of encountering sea turtles--one of the main reasons I chose the location--I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything. 
​
I had no energy to find a place to eat, so I ended up sitting in the hotel restaurant. As I waited for my food, I felt the urge to go back home.

Dazed and confused

This is the most shocking emotion I have ever had whilst travelling. 

​Travelling has been my passion for nearly 20 years and I had never felt that way… It might sound like an exaggeration, but I felt as if an important part of my life had disappeared.

I couldn’t bear this emotion and I asked the restaurant staff to deliver my ordered food to my room and went there immediately to have my own space.

I needed to talk to somebody about how I felt--and after texting one of my best friends and my sister, I gradually calmed down. 

I took a rest and then decided to go for a massage. It was so lovely and I could finally start to relax a bit.

​Then I kept my plans for dinner with another solo traveller. She was such an inspiration and we had a great time together. 

​Thanks to the kind words from loved ones back home, a fantastic, rejuvenating massage, and my new friend, I ended up pulling myself out of the funk.

The highlights aren't real

I learned a very important lesson on that trip--that I don’t have to be happy all the time whilst travelling. Just as it happens in everyday life, it is very normal to feel any emotion. And sometimes our body needs to catch up to our mind.

Social media can give the impression that travelling has to be happy all the time, as the vast majority of photos, videos and captions on the various platforms depict joyful moments.

I have to admit that I’m still afraid of negative emotions, not only whilst travelling but also in general. However, I’m getting much better at accepting the whole range of human feelings these days. 

I’ve come a long way since my holiday on Gili Air Island in 2017 and now realise that accepting only certain types of emotions can lead to low self-esteem.

​This sort of personal insight is just one of the many reasons I love travelling and value all the lessons I get from it--even if it doesn’t feel so great at the time.

Author - Sanae Tanaka ​

Sanae Tanaka loves nature, exploring and pilates. She is originally from Japan, but has spent a few years in Singapore and travels when she can.