Life’s too short to wait for the “right timing”

I am a proactive person with German efficiency in my blood. I say to hell with waiting for things to happen. I’m trying a new approach.

"Timing is everything. If it is meant to happen, it will and for the right reasons." We’ve all heard this before.

Me, as a rather proactive person, finds it quite hard to settle on the whole "have patience and things will work themselves out" kind of approach.

While I have experienced those serendipitous moments where it feels like the stars align and everything falls into place, I don't necessarily agree that all we should do is sit around and wait believing that T-I-M-I-N-G is indeed E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G and that no matter our actions, this is the word of law.

Should I really just wait for the right time to ask for a promotion, to quit my job, to change careers, to end an unhappy relationship, to fall in love with someone new, to buy a house, to get married, to have children… to take that trip I've always wanted to take?! How do I know when it is the "right" timing and what am I meant to do while I'm waiting for said right timing to arrive?! And how do you know the amount of preparation to undertake to ensure you are ready for this so-called timing?

I have been struggling with this for as long as I can remember, but   recently it all made a little more sense to me. I read a really interesting, inspiring and reaffirming book called "Designing your Life" by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. It had a lot of great insights - that I'll let you find out about yourselves if you are intrigued enough - but the main message was that there are no such things as "perfect jobs", "perfect relationships", or "perfect life scenarios" waiting for us out there. We have to start getting "unstuck", get creative and "design our way forward". Basically, there are endless possible solutions to any given problem and endless scenarios and lives we can create for ourselves if only we start being proactive and getting creative.

​After reading this book, I started thinking about the whole "waiting for the right timing" versus "be creative and start designing your way forward" approach and tried to apply it to the following areas of (my) life:

1) Location - Where do I want to live?

Photo by Mathew Waters on Unsplash

​"Waiting for the right timing"

This approach basically suggests that I will wake up one day and decide to live in one place rather than another. In my case (which most of you might be familiar with by now is whether I choose New Zealand or Germany).

I could easily tell myself that right now is not the right time to move to Germany because I am pretty happy with my life in New Zealand. Europe seems to be falling apart at the moment (if we want to be dramatic) and it's currently summer over here in this hemisphere so why bother even considering a move? Let's just wait, shall we? The problem with waiting is that I might be waiting a long time. Like for all I know I might be waiting forever! When will I ever wake up and be like “Right, let’s move. I think I had enough”. I mean this could potentially happen and if it did, that would be an easy way to solve this dilemma but then again, what if it just doesn’t happen?! I’ve decided waiting can’t be the answer!

"Be creative and start designing your way forward"

Designers very much work with a lot of "grey area" rather than look at things from a black vs white perspective. So if I approach the whole location choosing issue I am facing in this way, then it stands to reason that there are more options than 1) Staying in NZ and 2) Moving to Germany.

What, for example, if I would try to start living from summer to summer?! I could split my time between both countries, escape winters forever, avoid having to miss family and friends on either side and generally have the best of both worlds. There we go - all of a sudden working on designing a way to make this happen seems like a lot better option than sitting in New Zealand twiddling my thumbs waiting for some lightning strike of inspiration, doesn't it? It also naturally leads to my next point - how to finance living in between countries.

2) Career - What do I want to do for a living?

Photo by Kevin Bhagat on Unsplash

"Waiting for the right timing"  

Most of us who have a job that earns them a decent amount of money and doesn't make them hate life toooo much are quite comfortable "just hanging in there". We might not feel super fulfilled, it might not be our dream job, work-life balance might be slightly off, we might wish for a promotion but then again, actively doing something to make any of these things happen seems quite hard. The above timing quote serves as a pretty nice excuse to keep hanging on in there and waiting for the right timing to ask for that pay rise, that promotion or hand in our notice. However, just imagine what happens if that timing never shows up at our doorstep. What then?! We might end up drifting through several years or even retiring (still not being dramatic!) before taking any of the steps above. This thought terrifies me beyond belief!

"Be creative and start designing your way forward"
​
Again, I'd much rather opt for the more proactive approach. What was it again that I wanted? Ah yes, I want to live in between countries - GREAT! HOW do I make this happen? Sitting down with my employer and figuring out what his view is on transferring me to our head office in Germany for 6 months per year or letting me work remotely might be a good first step. What if he isn't keen on supporting this kind of life plan? Well, I guess I’ll have to design my way forward and try something else.

I could, for example, research if there are other companies out there that have offices in both Germany and New Zealand. I could consider working as a contractor - project-based work can be found in all sorts of different countries at different times of the year! Or maybe I could look for jobs that offer full-time remote work or I just jump straight into Travelher and don’t worry about other companies and other employers and just make it all happen for myself! What’s the worst that can happen? - That things don’t work out and I have to get creative yet again.

3) Relationships - Where do I find Prince Charming and why has he still not shown up on that white horse of his?

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

​"Waiting for the right timing"   

Since I've been single, the worst and at the same time most common "advice" I've received has been "Don't worry. You will find someone when you least expect it." Great, thank you, everyone out there, this is super helpful - not! I know you all mean well but I'm in my early 30s and if I keep sitting on the sofa in front of the TV eating chocolate every night after work - waiting for Prince Charming and oh of course the "right timing" then I'm sure he will one night come knocking at my door and invite me out for dinner so we can then live happily ever after. Sounds bloody magical but chances of that happening are probably - let's face it ZERO.

"Be creative and start designing your way forward"  

​Just to be clear, I am not suggesting that being "desperately searching for the right one and stressing yourself out about your age, biological clock, societal standards etc" is what you should be doing. All I'm saying is that I’ve decided I’m not going to sit around waiting and hoping for the right timing - I’ve decided to get creative instead!

Turns out dating apps are not that bad after all. They aren't the most romantic place to meet someone but they do create a lot of opportunities for people to "meet". And as long as we take things into "the real world" sooner rather than later then it isn't much different from meeting someone on a Saturday night out after all. Apart from that, there are a million other ways to meet people. Accepting invites to after-work drinks, going out with colleagues, all could lead to something. Friends of friends is still a pretty "natural" and "offline" way of meeting new people ;-) New hobbies bring new opportunities, too. I recently started a Spanish course and met a whole bunch of new people. I’ve also joined our local community yoga group and again met lots of lovely new faces! Opportunities are endless and I’m convinced that it will be much easier to find that man of our dreams out there somewhere when we make ourselves seen. We'll be hard to find tucked away in the living room in front of the TV ;-)

4) Family - When do I start a family?

Photo by Mon Petit Chou Photography on Unsplash

​"Waiting for the right timing"    

To be fair, this one is probably one of the few areas in my life where I'd happily just sit around forever waiting for the right timing to magically arrive! The thought of creating another human both excites and terrifies me equally as much. Well to be fair, for the majority of the time, I usually find it more terrifying once I start thinking about all the implications that come with creating said human but that is a whole different story ;-)

I guess the good thing about this particular scenario (similar to the one above) is that we don't necessarily have to face this decision on our own. There is usually another human being involved in the "human creating process" which means we can work together on figuring this one out. I do notice that while our parents’ generation just seems to have "gone for it" our generation nowadays puts a lot more thought into the "right timing" question. But here again, I feel like designing rather than waiting wins in the end!

"Be creative and start designing your way forward"   

Biologically I know that I can't wait "forever". At least not to have children naturally on my own. But of course there are alternatives these days: surrogates, freezing eggs, adoption, becoming foster parents, you name it. This means the way I end up having children doesn't necessarily have to be the "standard" way if that isn't what will end up working for me, my personal situation and my life! I also feel like it is not just the "when" that concerns me but even more so the "what happens after" thought.

​Luckily I guess that too can be "designed" in a more creative way than people might have been willing to explore one or two generations ago. For example, instead of deciding that I want to put having kids off for a bit longer because I haven't seen enough of the world yet I think I would instead come up with some sort of creative plan to incorporate both! Why not take them traveling? I could use a sabbatical with my partner or take joined parental leave and go travel around Australia in a campervan (this is of course just one out of a billion options ;-). It's not the most "traditional" thing to do but it's possible! Whatever it is that we are scared to lose or miss out on, if we try and get creative I’d say there is usually another way for us to incorporate it into our life. Who knows, maybe we can have it all after all ;-)

5) Property - When and where should I buy property?

Photo by Rowan Heuvel on Unsplash

"Waiting for the right timing"     

Buying property seems to be something people tend to want to do in most countries. Often, it is a good investment and it helps to prepare for retirement. It provides security but it usually comes with a huge mortgage too that consequently means that we might have to sacrifice a whole lot of other things that are important to us - like for example travelling the world.

So being in my thirties, if I was to stick to conventional timings, I should probably buy a house about now. But when I think about it, is this really what I want? I guess I want it at some point but not necessarily right now and this is not because the timing isn’t “right” but more so that I’d rather spend my money on things other than a mortgage at the moment. In any way, I am not planning to sit around waiting for my dream house in the dream location at a dream price to fall from the sky. With this area in my life as well, I’ve decided I want to get creative - and the sooner I do that the more prepared I’ll be by the time the urge to buy my own first property rolls around!    

"Be creative and start designing your way forward"    

When I removed the black-and-white road block of “it’s time to buy a house and settle down”, I started to realise that instead of buying a four bedroom house with garden in the perfect place (both close to the city and ideally only a 5min walk from the beach) I could look into multiple other options. For example, I could start with a small apartment somewhere as the more affordable option and then sell it later to buy something else, or rent it out after a while and use it as capital to get another mortgage to build up a whole properly portfolio ;-)

I could even look into buying a holiday house somewhere by the beach, and potentially ask my family and friends if they are keen to chip in and share both the mortgage and responsibilities of looking after the property. It might even be worth researching what properties cost in other countries and what the regulations are around foreign investment. It would be amazing if I could, for example, buy a decent beach bach in Bali for 20k - just as an investment to use as my personal holiday home and rent out for the rest of the year to cover the mortgage.

Once I started brainstorming, I realised there is an almost endless amount of options other than simply “find a house and settle down”, and I felt less overwhelmed and actually really excited to explore them all.

6) Travel - When and how do I make time for travel?

Photo by louis magnotti on Unsplash

"Waiting for the right timing"   

For me, personally, travel is the one area in my life where I have absolutely NO time for waiting, and for all the struggle in other areas, I think this is one I have pretty down pat. I don’t always practice what I preach when it comes to “living in the here and now” but I really try to remind myself of this on a regular basis. Life is short, none of us know how long we’ve got and what challenges the future might throw at us so if, in the here and now, we are able (in a pure physical sense of the word “able”) then what are we waiting for?! Definitely NOT the “right” timing. Now is always the right time for travel.

Sure, there are certain travel related things that we can’t necessarily do immediately. I for example still have a few “big trips” left on my list but it’s not that they haven’t happened yet because I sit around waiting for them to happen, they are in the making and I KNOW they will happen.

And while I am saving money and planning potential routes etc I am still traveling! Lots of smaller trips that bring just as much happiness to my life. Here again, it’s all about being creative and making it work!

"Be creative and start designing your way forward"     

So again, why not create the right timing to travel!? If you guys have read my most recent blog post on "How to get more travel into your life" you already know about my top tips ;-)  but it really is all about being proactive and getting creative again rather than just waiting for the right travel time to come around. Organising a trip is something active. It's something that we have to plan and then execute which won't exactly happen if we sit around waiting for it.

So here is how I do it: First, I figure out where I want to go and what exactly it is that I want to do. Then I set my budget and seriously start saving for it. I figure out when exactly I want to go and then break the timeframe up over the number of months I have left until I go so I know exactly how much money I have to put aside each month to get me there. I personally also love getting my family and friends involved if I don't feel like traveling on my own. Meeting them halfway in Asia for example is always a winner or piggyback onto their already planned holiday if it coincides with me being in Europe. If I don't have much annual leave left, I usually try to extend upcoming business trips or ask my boss to work out of our overseas offices for a few days or weeks. Whatever it is, it’s all about making sure that we are proactively trying to create opportunities to incorporate travel into our lives rather than just sitting at home dreaming about our next trip ;-)

Nat in Halong Bay, Vietnam

​As some of you might already know, I’ve gone through a pretty tough time in the past year but even though I know this sounds cliche, going through this really has made me stronger and has taught me to look at things differently again. Major life changes like breakups do put things into perspective and that’s not a bad thing! In the past two years, I’ve really learned to be bold, figure out what it is that I want and then go get creative and get it!

Reading the “Designing your Life” book recently has really brought it all together for me and reassured me that things don’t have to necessarily be done in a certain “traditional” type of way and at a certain time. Humans are complex and life is complex and there really always are multiple solutions to every problem or in general, multiple ways of doing things. So, no matter
what situation we are in, we need to remind ourselves that there isn't always just that one solution to a problem and there also isn't ever just that one time that's right to change things up or make things happen!

So what about you? Is there any area in your life that you currently feel stuck in?

If there is then start allowing yourself to get creative and dream up your "ideal" job, trip, life and you’ll probably start to realise that we all long for things we weren't even aware of and that there are endless opportunities to make these things happen. And once we realise this, there is nothing holding us back to start designing our way forward to achieve whatever it is we truly desire.

If you need additional inspiration, jump online or visit your library to get yourself a copy of "Designing Your Life" by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, or get in touch with us and share your dreams and challenges! We would love to offer some encouragement :)

Author - Natalie Gruner

Nat is one of the co-creators of Travelher and loves travel, family and all things beach. She is currently working in NZ and getting away for an adventure as often as she can.